Hello. New to the blog world here. I’m trying to figure out where to begin. Maybe from the beginning?
I think I’ve always seen the wonder the world has to offer. I can’t remember any “psychic” experiences as a child but I’m sure they happened I just never associated it with anything “psychic”. I actually didn’t make the connection until I was 30 and had it explained to me. I do remember always trying to figure out why I felt a certain way, a connection to God and Jesus that was slightly different from what external sources were telling me. My whole life I tried to figure it out. Growing up I went to a Catholic school and church. I LOVED it but I always felt like they were forgetting something but I so loved the great rituals around lent, Easter and Christmas. I knew God and Jesus personally so most of it made sense to me but I’d always be confused by some things, man made things.
I also loved the Earth and celebrated and appreciated it. I always associated it in a spiritual way. I feel the magic of nature, I could feel God in every single part. Which, for a very short time as a teen I was fascinated with Wicca and could identify with honoring the natural world around me. (It’s a religion, not spells and preconceived notions about witches).
I quickly gave that up because it didn’t jive with what I “remember” either. At that point I was a young teen and just too busy to think or explore my religious options. I knew and loved God and that was all that mattered. I was content with that.
When I was 18, I was surprisingly stable. (I may look back a laugh just a bit, but yes, stable) I had finished tech school, I had a good job, a stable, loving relationship with my boyfriend of three years, I’ve lived on my own for a couple years by then and I got pregnant. At first I kinda freaked out. I did feel very mature for my age but this was unexpected. Whew! At least I was an “adult”! After breathing deep and my mom saying she wasn’t mad, I began to get excited! Oh I was so excited! A joyous time.
One night I noticed I was spotting a bit. I wasn’t too worried but went to check it out. I remember being at the hospital and getting my ultrasound and seeing my perfect little baby. I felt relieved but then I was lying on the table feeling much better everything was okay and my father was on the phone. He was crying telling me he loved me. I kept saying, “it’s okay dad, I see her, she’s fine.” And she wasn’t fine. Maybe I was numb, I barely remember the hospital. They sent me home and told me I will begin to labor eventually. What? I was so confused. Maybe I was in my own little world. They probably explained what was happening to me but I couldn’t comprehend. I honestly don’t remember. I was past the point of miscarriage. This was considered a “late miscarriage” I found out later. I was in complete denial of what was happening. My baby was fine, I saw her. Well, now I know she had no heartbeat and they were waiting for me to begin natural labor.
Which took three days.
Knowing your child is dead inside of you is the most horrific thing I have ever had to experience.
I was completely numb. When I left the hospital the first time I just went to my moms house and laid on the couch staring at the branches out the window. Eventually my now husband, Lee, brought me to my childhood church. I thought if I was inside of a church my daughter wouldn’t die, it wouldn’t happen. I lay there on a cold, hard pew staring up into the cathedral wood ceilings thinking God wouldn’t do this. I took holy water. I still have that vial of holy water to this day.
Eventually I began to labor and went to the hospital. I will spare you the details. I never saw her.
I was in a foggy state of pure depression. I don’t remember the month it happened. I do remember, my friend and coworker, Jane, calling me to see if I ever planned on coming back to work. I mustered up the energy and returned the following week. I’m a stylist so I work with clients. I was in no shape to be around people so I just folded laundry in back and cried. It was pitiful. I was LOW. The lowest point in my life.
Because my life was a blur I don’t remember which day this happened but one day after I recently returned to work I had a visit. This was a my first visit of many. A woman appeared to me and said she had a message. We went to a private area and she began speaking about my daughter. She told me why she came, why she left so quickly, and the reason behind all of this. She told me my daughter, whom I named Victoriana, CHOSE me as her mother and Lee as her father. She explained what my future would be like, my journey, my path. In that moment, that angel, cured me. My depression was completely gone. I understood. It made perfect sense with my “rememberings” as a spiritual being growing up within religious boundaries. It was a profound experience that pointed me on my path. After we said our goodbyes we turned to part, I turned to look back at her and she vanished into thin air. She truly was an angel and I was so blessed by the experience. Number one, it confirmed to me the true existence of God as well as the angels and the rest of the realm. And number two, the angel delivered to me my purpose and guidelines for my life. I am beyond appreciative for the Divine intervention because I know most of the world has to survive on blind faith.
Since, I have had more angelic experiences as well as everyday communication with God, Jesus, angels and other beings.
One of the most special things in the couple years that followed my first Divine experience was that I had my “first” born son, D’Angelo, (which means “messenger from God”) which, the angel told me I would have. But I already “knew” that before my experience. But ANYWAYS, the special thing is when D’Angelo was about two and just learning to speak he would say he wanted “his sister”. He would cry because he missed her. HE KNEW HER ON THE OTHER SIDE! I loved this and encouraged it, but for my husband it caused too much pain and he would scold him for talking like that. So eventually it faded…until my second was born…